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slamerz

Looking for what I can't fi
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How can this be that its been almost a year
since those who stood near
me all decided to tear
away at me.

To rip from me a beating heart
and along with it a part
that looks like abstract art,
the soul of a boy who couldn't find
the strength or even the state of mind,
to tell you off but instead I was resigned....
and it fells me with a kind
of anger and rage so blind
that I want to strike at all I find.

And I dared not write poetry
in fear that the wrong people would see
What I really planned and tried to do,
but in the end that failed to.

I was alone with nothing left
to hold me up but one who say the theft,
and still to this day I would bet
he's got my back,
yes the one who taught me how to act.


I don't know where I wanted this rant to go,
but I think that some of you should know,
I may write in rhyme, of the passed timed
but don't you think that I've forgiven you
for the things you know you do.
I hate you more then ever before, as time is like salt on my open wound.
The gash you cut into me to rip my heart out of my chest.
One day soon I'll have the means
To leave you all to be nothing more then my memories,
and you won't see me ever again, and neither will you meet my kin,
I look forward to the final day,
when I read the paper and notice it say
your name in the obituary.
I will only attend your funerals to make sure that you all are gone.

I will not shed a tear of grief, only share a sinister grin,
to see u got what you deserve.

I don't care what this makes me, evil, vile, just a shame, regardless of what i am you made it...
you forced it....
you.....
you chose to make me hate you,
chose to be so stupid you did...
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So I've spent a majority of my life with a very vague plan, I always said "I'm gonna go to college and learn to make great video games then I'll go to Japan and start my own company after I work for a good one for a few years." but I just noticed that in japan you are most likely going to be moving around by public transportation, Trains and such and if what I've heard is right, which is the trains are considered late at 10 seconds after their supposed to be at the station, and if their a minute late, you are given a slip to give to your boss to explain why you were late...
I can't do that, I'm just to slow, and I can't stand hugely precise timing and things like that, I like dilly dallying and actually noticing things other then running from place to place. T,T I may have to give up that part of my dream T_T goodbye japan.
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lots of people don't believe in love at first sight, and to be honest I'm one of those people or was one of those people...I honestly don't know anymore. I'm going to tell you what happened to make me consider if I am or not, or well I don't know you tell me what you think


the summer of 08 my friend josh was in town I've been friends with him basically my whole life we've been friends since I was in kindergarten. He used to live in Anderson but he got into it with his stepmother and his father jumped at the chance to get him out so he now lives with his mother in Noblesvile over 3 hours away. well he was in town and I went to his fathers house when I heard he was in town and we hung out and the next day I came back to his house but the moment he opened the door I was overtaken by an intoxicating aroma that came from within his home and as I walked in I was trying to figure out what it was exactly that was making that scent. as I walked with him to the backroom where he'd been sleeping while at his dads house the only thing I saw was Alan a guy I'd met a few times but when I stepped into the backroom I looked to my left and saw a girl in a corset style shirt and blue jeans that were mildly tight sitting in a beanbag chair. back then I didn't realize that it was her scent. she was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen but I knew she was way out of my league. we all sat there and watched the movie Sweeney Todd. it was kinda funny me Alan and Josh have seen the movie so many times we were singing all the songs. she left the room and I gave her a gaze as she walked towards me, and the moment she left the room my friend Josh told me she had a boy friend. My heart sank at that moment but I didn't think I had a chance with her even if she was single. but time passed and we all said are goodbyes. I yearned for that scent for days and two days after I met her I realized it was her scent I'd gone to his house every day since I'd met her that he was there and she wasn't there. I began to give up hope. begging him to invite her over. until one day we went to the movies and planned to meet her and her friend.
Turns out me and josh went to see the wrong movie. we met them outside of the theater. She quickly got up and rushed over very happily. I made the mistake of thinking it was for me. her arms opened wide for a hug and mine opened ever so slightly and then she passed me only to hug my friend josh. :cry: I...I was almost crushed. I slowly went to the bench and sat beside her friend at first I thought it was her boyfriend but he said hi to me and I instinctively knew he was gay. his grandparents took us to his house so they could look after the dogs for his father. we went for I walk. I thought my mothers bf lived near there. or at least that is what I told them. I didn't want to leave her side I just wanted to be near her.
We walked around the neighborhood for around half an hour before I said that I must had been mistaken and we began to walk back to his fathers house, I was so disappointed, knowing that the closer that we got to his home, the sooner I would have to leave her. I stalled and goofed around as much as I could to prolong the walk back but eventually it happened, we arrived at his house and he then went inside to talk to his grandparents and tell them it was time for us to go, we waited outside for around fifteen minutes, My friend josh, this new girl, and myself sat in the driveway next to the van waiting for them to come out and have us jump into the van to leave, and so they did, and so we did.
The ride back to my friends house seemed like a flash of lightning, so quick and yet nothing happened, I was to nerves to look back at her during the ride there, as we exited the car I wanted to just look at her and ask for her number but her having a boyfriend I felt it was completely inappropriate for me to do so in the way that I was thinking.
Days after this all I could think about was her, why was she so different, why could I not stand to be away from her, and why was it that her smell sent tingles through my entire body, I had no answers and I still don't. but after those days I got a phone call while playing the video games with my mothers boyfriend, his daughter, and my sister, I looked at the number and the name on the caller id I didn't know, but the voice I knew immediately. It was her, she said her name, "Shantell Prichett", The name of the angel that had been plucked from the heavens and thrust into my life. She wanted to come to visit my friend josh but he wouldn't be home when she could get a ride out here so she wanted to know if she could stay at my house till he got to his, I thought about it and said of course. The day came where she came to my house, we sat on the couch watching television and talking, I wanted so much for her to be mine but alas she was out of my league. I grilled us some hamburgers and while talking to her forgot about them and almost burnt them >,< it was so embarrassing I just wanted to slit my throat with the spatula. We became bored with television and went out for a walk, we soon passed the woods and were walking through a field where she tackled me in a joking manner, rolling on the ground we came to a stop and she still had hold of me, laying there in the tall grass in her arms was heaven on earth and then she kissed me softly, I returned the kiss with many more and things continued, but lets skip this part shall we ^,-
so the jist of it is she cheated on her bf for me, and a week later left him for me. We've been together ever since and even though there has been a lot of SHIT that's gone down in my life, hers and between us it always seems to work out, and I still feel the same way about her that I always have, which is how I know that I will be with her for the rest of my life.

So idk if I actually believe in love at first sight, but I know that it happened for me and lots of people my age have said the same thing, love at first sight love this love that. and that is the problem every other god damn person in high-school says love every 2 minutes giving it absolutely no meaning! it pisses me off that they have made it something that means the same in all uses, so because of this I am not in love! Because they've made love a term that means nothing there is nothing that I can say that describes how I feel for her, but I do know that my feelings are real, and that's all I need.

Thanks for reading and I'm sorry this took so long to finish
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